A letter to twenty seven / 2016

I sat down to write about this year and all the things that happened. The year I met you and by you I don't mean a specific person but all the people that changed me, all the people that whispered words into my heart even from a distance -Mostly from a distance-  and by 'you' I also mean me, because I never saw me like I see me now. and mostly I remember the day I stopped wanting others to see me, and it was a good day because it actually didn't matter that much. It never did.

And I remembered all the mistakes and all the things I learned, and the highs and the lows, and all the smiles and even the sad moments. I remember telling myself that twenty seven would be a year full of adventures and I guess I told myself so very loudly, that i listened very well.
And it was a good year, the best.

And I'm learning that I hate distance and I hate silence, and I hate not communicating, and not being honest, and when you're not honest, and by you I don't mean a specific person.

And I'm learning that I love being vulnerable and I love being quiet, and I love telling you things, and by you I don't mean a specific person but all the people that cared to listened.

I learned to be joyful and that there is freedom in suffering. And I learned that I don't need you and by you I don't mean a specific person but all the people that aren't by me.

I learned that I'm stronger than I thought and than I ever knew. I know now that there is nothing wrong with showing weakness, I call it growth.

And I admit that I miss you, and by you I don't mean a specific person but all the people I've left behind, the people that moved own, and who chose not to stay.
But mostly I learned that all of these are moments and that seasons matter. They really really do.

And I learned to be thankful in days full of darkness and to know that there is light even when I deny it.

I met you when I was twenty seven.
And I met you well.
And by you I mean me this time.
But also a very specific You/you.

-C